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Alejandra Pizarnik – Gas Fills the Chambers of My Little Doll’s Heart

29 Apr

Poet Alejandra Pizarnik was born on this day in 1936 in Argentina to Jewish Russian immigrant parents. Poem that I am sharing here today is the first out of the eight poems from the seventeen page long manuscript that Alejandra Pizarnik wrote between 1969 to 1971 and gave to the poet Perla Rotzait. There is something pure and mysterious about the poetry I’ve read so far by Alejandra Pizarnik and I love taking each verse for itself and just enjoying it, like letting a bonbon melt in my mouth; just enjoy it without analysing it. This is also some of the last poetry that Pizarnik wrote. On 25 September 1972 she overdosed on secobarbital sodium. Apart from the verse I chose for the title, I also love “I lived the impossible, destroyed by the impossible” which reminds me of something similar written by Reinaldo Arenas “There is only one place to live – the impossible.”

1  […] ON SILENCE

…it’s all in some language I don’t know…

  1. C. (Through the Looking-glass)

I feel the world’s pain like a foreign language.

Cecilia Meireles

 

They play the part “estranged”.

Michaux

… SOMEBODY killed SOMETHING.

  1. Carroll (Through the Looking-glass)

 

I.

This little blue doll is my envoy in the world.

An orphan in the garden rain where a lilac-colored bird gobbles lilacs and

 

a rose-colored bird gobbles roses.

I’m frightened of the grey wolf lurking in the rain.

Whatever you see, whatever can be taken away, is unspeakable.

Words bolt all doors.

 

I remember rambling through the sycamores …

But I can’t stop the drama—gas fills the chambers of my little doll’s heart.

I lived the impossible, destroyed by the impossible.

 

Oh, the banality of my evil passions,

enslaved by ancient tenderness.

 

                                    II.

No one paints in green.

Everything is orange.

If I am anything, I’m cruelty.

Colors streak the silent sky like rotting beasts. Then someone tries to write

a poem out of forms, colors, bitterness, lucidity (Hush, alejandra, you’ll frighten

the children…)

                                    III.

The poem is space and it scars.

I am not like my little blue doll who still suckles the milk of birds.

Memory of your voice in the fatal morning guarded by a sun rebounding

in the eyes of turtles.

The light of sense goes out remembering your voice before this green

celestial mixture, this marriage of sea and sky.

And I prepare my death.